Teenage heartbreak
By Valerie MacNeal
SUN STAFF WRITER
Remember the first time you fell in love?
It felt like no one could touch you and that you were the luckiest girl/guy in the world. The
cloudiest days couldn’t keep you down. And, when the sun did shine, it seemed like it was just
for you.
Saying, “I love you” everyday to that significant other made your heart melt, and your heart would
speed up when they’d say that they felt the same. Life was nothing but a realistic fairy tale, until that
fateful day came, when your heart was broken.
Some adults laugh and often say, “You’re too young to fall in love.”
Well, I being a teenager, can definitely say from experience that it is very possible to fall in love
when you’re young. It is also very painful to get your heartbroken.
Heartbreak usually follows break-up. I interviewed one of my best friends, Bassma, and asked her a
few questions about how she dealt with her heartbreak and any advice she might have.
Native Sun: What method do you use to get over heartbreak?
Bassma: “I personally Jam out to Michael Jackson (laughs), and dance like no ones looking.”
Native Sun: Is it a good idea to stay friends with the person who broke your heart?
Bassma: (She pauses for a second) “Well…It depends on the relationship, but if you’re trying to get
them back, then yes. If you’re trying to move forward, try to give it a break. Wait a while before you
try to talk to them.”
Native Sun: What things shouldn’t you do when you’re trying to recover from a broken heart?
Bassma: “Don’t try to settle down right away. Try to get to know the playing field. You want to try to
get to know more people. Don’t stalk the person with crazy i.m.’s and e-mails because that will just
lead to them blocking you, which will make it hurt more.”
Native Sun: Do you have any your advice for those who’ve had their heart broken?
Bassma: “If you love the person, you’re going to love the person for the rest of your life. But if you
end up getting over them, then you probably never loved them in the first place. There is always
room in your heart to give more love to someone else.”
Heartbreak is no fun at all, and for some teenagers it can feel like the whole world is coming to an
end. Well it’s ok to feel like that. Don’t hold your emotions inside. That often tends to make your feel
worse in the long run. Find a friend who you really trust, and talk to them. Never be afraid to cry,
whether you’re a girl or a guy. You might find that it actually makes you feel better to let go of all
those penned up emotions.
It’s never a good idea to be alone when you’re depressed, so surround yourself with friends that
have positive energy. Go out and have fun, and maybe even try pampering yourself. Do anything that
won’t make you think about the heartbreak. They are not the only person your will ever be with,
there will be plenty more trust me. So try to look at things in another light, and never, ever think you
aren’t good enough.
Dance to one of your favorite songs, and follow Bassma’s advice, “Dance like no one is looking.”
Facebook Drama
By Valerie MacNeal
SUN STAFF WRITER
Facebook is often known as a place to meet up with your friends virtually. You can add friends
that you haven’t seen in ages or friends you’ve made by just chatting around. There are even little
games that you can play, uploading pictures, and creating status updates. Sounds pretty harmless
right?
Let’s say you just came home from a very frustrating day of school and or work. You want to give
your friends an update on how you’re feeling or just let off some steam. Stop right there, because
this is where the drama usually begins.
You become heated and upset, as you recall the day’s previous events. You begin to type things
that would be better left unsaid or hurtful to the one you’re referring to. This may help release some
of the stress and frustration, but it can also create a whole world of other problems that you would
never believe could occur.
Facebook became popular around early 2008 in my high school and is popular amongst the teenage
and young adult crowd (though not exempt to older ones).
I even became hooked on Facebook. There are many teens at my school that are also hooked on
Facebook and use it like a stress ball. This often leads to arguments, which lead to conflict. It’s hard
seeing classmates that I’ve known since my freshman year of high school get expelled from school,
because of trivial matters caused on Facebook.
How can we stop these meaningless arguments and conflicts?
First, keep evil thoughts to yourself. If you think or know something you write is going to create
any type of conflict, don’t type it.
What if you see a picture of another girl and your ex-boyfriend or vice versa and you want to
comment?
If it’s going to be mean or offensive, please just take the mouse and get as far away from the
picture as you can. You probably know that being on their page and looking at their pictures
probably wasn’t the best idea in the first place.
The second thing you can do if someone has offended you is to privately talk to the person. Ask
them why they would put something derogatory about you on Facebook. Don’t get upset if the
person doesn’t seem apologetic in the beginning. Stay as calm as possible. If the person isn’t up for
talking, just walk away. Try to ignore the whole thing. Nine times out of 10, the person isn’t worth
arguing with.
Finally, if none of this has helped, go to a parent, guardian, or counselor. It most likely won’t be a
good idea to go to a friend, because no matter what, they will be on your side. They will probably
urge you to get involved in a conflict. No one likes to be a tattle tale (or a snitch), but it beats ending
up in jail, juvenile, or expelled from school.
So, let me give you a scenario to make sure you were paying attention. You’ve just logged onto
your Facebook page and see a bunch of statuses pop up. You don’t really pay much attention to
them, until you notice someone has made a comment on what you were wearing that day. You
continue to read the status and even go as far as reading the comments on the status. You see that
some of the people commenting are vastly amused and even worse, friends. You even see that most
people said that they like the status. What would you do?
Before you go off thinking of doing something you’ll regret in the long run, you might want to re-
read this article from the beginning. Good luck.
Valerie MacNeal is an aspiring journalist and a senior at Henry Ford Academy in Dearborn.
Dating secrets
What to tell and what to keep on the DL
Have you ever hidden something from him about your past (or present)? Or has he ever stunned you
with a secret of his own? Here, couples reveal their biggest bombshells. Plus, learn which secrets you
must spill -- and which ones to keep to yourself.
In a perfect relationship, you wouldn't keep any secrets from your sweetie. And you'd never have to
worry if he were keeping anything from you, because his life, too, would be an open book.
But we live in the real world, where even the healthiest couples sometimes hide things from each
other. To most of us, the secret to end all secrets (and many relationships) is an affair -- and no one
will quibble with the devastating consequences of infidelity. Yet even "small" deceptions can rock a
relationship, and it can be hard to draw the line between what's harmless and what's not.
So how to tell what can stay safely tucked away and what calls for a confession? We asked dating
experts to outline the rules for secret keeping (and sharing).
Dating Rule #1: Secrets You Must Spill
If you want a relationship grounded in mutual trust (and who doesn't?), certain issues require full
disclosure. "If something has a chance of impacting your partner's future or his life with you, then
he has a right to know about it," says Mira Kirshenbaum, a relationship expert and author of "Is He Mr.
Right?" This includes anything from the past that has reverberations in the present (lingering debts, a
chronic medical condition, past emotional abuse), and anything in the present that could affect the
future (a health scare, a potential downsizing at work).
As many couples find out too late, when you keep a secret that profoundly affects your family, you
face a double whammy when the secret eventually -- or inevitably -- implodes: After the first
shock wave from the hidden truth rips through the family, you're hit with the secondary tremors that
come from the resulting feelings of betrayal and distrust.
"My husband was running a retail website, and he assured me it was doing well," recalls Karen, a 39-
year-old mom of two. "I thought I could stay home with my children and not have to worry about
making money myself."
A year ago, however, Karen discovered that her husband's business was in the hole for more than $1
million, and he had taken out a line of credit against their house. The truth came out only when he
announced that he would have to take an additional job.
"I was furious!" Karen says. A year later, her family has begun recovering from the financial blow, but
Karen is still dealing with her sense of hurt, anger, and betrayal.
When confronted with such a big, sudden revelation, it's natural to think, "Why didn't you tell me?
I'm the one person on earth who is supposed to understand!" But the reasons men, in particular, keep
secrets like these are multi-layered, say the experts. They may, like Karen's husband, want to keep up
an appearance of being strong and in control -- out of fear that you'll stop loving them if you see them
in a different, vulnerable light. They may be loath to deal with the turbulence they know their secret
will unleash. And yes, some men may just hope that silence will help them avoid a fight.
"Men are wary of women's emotional reactivity and usually shy away from conflicts," says Redbook Love
Network expert Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men." "They'll do
anything to avoid making a woman furious, though they usually end up making things worse."
Even when your secret is something that seems minor to you, you must be open with your partner if
it's related to a topic he's expressed curiosity or a strong opinion about. "As soon as you get serious
with someone, sit down and ask him, 'Is there anything you want to know about me that I haven't told
you yet?'" advises Redbook Love Network expert Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of "Getting the
Love Your Want." It's a clear-the-air strategy even long-term couples can use. And as counterintuitive
as this may sound, the more likely your partner is to freak out about your secret, the more important
it is that you confess, Hendrix adds, because if the truth about a sensitive subject comes out later,
the rupture could be even more serious. Not only does your partner need all of this information to be
able to make informed decisions about your life together, he also needs to know that you trust him
enough to share it.
"If you don't tell your partner about something, then you're really saying he's not wise enough,
generous enough, or loving enough to handle it," says Kirshenbaum. "And that can be deeply
wounding."
How to win the battle of the bulge
When it comes to the battle of the bulge, you have a better shot of winning if you make this simple
switch: Drink water instead of soda and plain tea instead of sweet coffees.
The results can be dramatic. In fact, research shows that cutting beverage calories resulted in
more weight loss than cutting food calories. Suddenly, water sounds grand!
People in a study who cut back on sugar-laden beverages like soda, fruit punch, and other
sweetened drinks shed more pounds than the folks who kept sipping the sweet stuff during their
dieting efforts. Researchers suspect that cutting back on beverage calories does even more
good than cutting back on food calories because solid food does a better job of satisfying hunger
than liquids do. Plus, it’s possible that the fructose in sugary drinks may boost fat storage and lead to
hormone changes that increase overall food intake. Here’s how much H2O you need to drink to melt
away an extra 2 1/2 pounds.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you can eat what you want as long as you ditch the soda and fruit
punch. The best weight loss diets are heart-healthy ones that cut overall calories in a way you can
sustain long term. Try these other weight loss tips to top off your efforts:
Set goals. Whether you want to lose 10 pounds or 50, setting and tracking your weight loss goals
can keep you motivated.
Use these goal-tracking tools to get you started.
Forget the smorgasbord. Learn why reducing variety in your diet can squash cravings better than
willpower can.
Walk this way. To boost weight loss, all you have to do is walk. Use this tracking tool to keep tabs
on every pound shedding step you take.
Men more than women willing to give
marriage a second chance
Sean Penn, Nicholas Cage, Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, Demi Moore, and
Jennifer Garner have all taken a second trip down the aisle.
While the current divorce rate is at its lowest since 1970, still one third of Americans who have ever
married have divorced at least once. With wedding season starting at the end of the month, leading
online dating websites www.date.com, www.matchmaker.com and www.amor.com, polled its members
to see who would be willing to give marriage a second chance after a divorce.
"We were shocked to see the overwhelming response by men willing to take another shot at
marriage after a divorce, while women were less inclined to make the commitment twice," said
Shira Zwebner, online relationship advisor. "These results show just how much women's attitudes
towards love and marriage have evolved over the years. Today, women are content being in a loving
and committed relationship that doesn't involve a trip to City Hall, whereas men need the security of
an official marriage to validate the relationship. And, with celebrity role model couples like Susan
Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, today's
women are confident that their committed relationships no longer have to be State or Religiously
sanctioned to be everlasting."
By Valerie MacNeal
SUN STAFF WRITER
Remember the first time you fell in love?
It felt like no one could touch you and that you were the luckiest girl/guy in the world. The
cloudiest days couldn’t keep you down. And, when the sun did shine, it seemed like it was just
for you.
Saying, “I love you” everyday to that significant other made your heart melt, and your heart would
speed up when they’d say that they felt the same. Life was nothing but a realistic fairy tale, until that
fateful day came, when your heart was broken.
Some adults laugh and often say, “You’re too young to fall in love.”
Well, I being a teenager, can definitely say from experience that it is very possible to fall in love
when you’re young. It is also very painful to get your heartbroken.
Heartbreak usually follows break-up. I interviewed one of my best friends, Bassma, and asked her a
few questions about how she dealt with her heartbreak and any advice she might have.
Native Sun: What method do you use to get over heartbreak?
Bassma: “I personally Jam out to Michael Jackson (laughs), and dance like no ones looking.”
Native Sun: Is it a good idea to stay friends with the person who broke your heart?
Bassma: (She pauses for a second) “Well…It depends on the relationship, but if you’re trying to get
them back, then yes. If you’re trying to move forward, try to give it a break. Wait a while before you
try to talk to them.”
Native Sun: What things shouldn’t you do when you’re trying to recover from a broken heart?
Bassma: “Don’t try to settle down right away. Try to get to know the playing field. You want to try to
get to know more people. Don’t stalk the person with crazy i.m.’s and e-mails because that will just
lead to them blocking you, which will make it hurt more.”
Native Sun: Do you have any your advice for those who’ve had their heart broken?
Bassma: “If you love the person, you’re going to love the person for the rest of your life. But if you
end up getting over them, then you probably never loved them in the first place. There is always
room in your heart to give more love to someone else.”
Heartbreak is no fun at all, and for some teenagers it can feel like the whole world is coming to an
end. Well it’s ok to feel like that. Don’t hold your emotions inside. That often tends to make your feel
worse in the long run. Find a friend who you really trust, and talk to them. Never be afraid to cry,
whether you’re a girl or a guy. You might find that it actually makes you feel better to let go of all
those penned up emotions.
It’s never a good idea to be alone when you’re depressed, so surround yourself with friends that
have positive energy. Go out and have fun, and maybe even try pampering yourself. Do anything that
won’t make you think about the heartbreak. They are not the only person your will ever be with,
there will be plenty more trust me. So try to look at things in another light, and never, ever think you
aren’t good enough.
Dance to one of your favorite songs, and follow Bassma’s advice, “Dance like no one is looking.”
Facebook Drama
By Valerie MacNeal
SUN STAFF WRITER
Facebook is often known as a place to meet up with your friends virtually. You can add friends
that you haven’t seen in ages or friends you’ve made by just chatting around. There are even little
games that you can play, uploading pictures, and creating status updates. Sounds pretty harmless
right?
Let’s say you just came home from a very frustrating day of school and or work. You want to give
your friends an update on how you’re feeling or just let off some steam. Stop right there, because
this is where the drama usually begins.
You become heated and upset, as you recall the day’s previous events. You begin to type things
that would be better left unsaid or hurtful to the one you’re referring to. This may help release some
of the stress and frustration, but it can also create a whole world of other problems that you would
never believe could occur.
Facebook became popular around early 2008 in my high school and is popular amongst the teenage
and young adult crowd (though not exempt to older ones).
I even became hooked on Facebook. There are many teens at my school that are also hooked on
Facebook and use it like a stress ball. This often leads to arguments, which lead to conflict. It’s hard
seeing classmates that I’ve known since my freshman year of high school get expelled from school,
because of trivial matters caused on Facebook.
How can we stop these meaningless arguments and conflicts?
First, keep evil thoughts to yourself. If you think or know something you write is going to create
any type of conflict, don’t type it.
What if you see a picture of another girl and your ex-boyfriend or vice versa and you want to
comment?
If it’s going to be mean or offensive, please just take the mouse and get as far away from the
picture as you can. You probably know that being on their page and looking at their pictures
probably wasn’t the best idea in the first place.
The second thing you can do if someone has offended you is to privately talk to the person. Ask
them why they would put something derogatory about you on Facebook. Don’t get upset if the
person doesn’t seem apologetic in the beginning. Stay as calm as possible. If the person isn’t up for
talking, just walk away. Try to ignore the whole thing. Nine times out of 10, the person isn’t worth
arguing with.
Finally, if none of this has helped, go to a parent, guardian, or counselor. It most likely won’t be a
good idea to go to a friend, because no matter what, they will be on your side. They will probably
urge you to get involved in a conflict. No one likes to be a tattle tale (or a snitch), but it beats ending
up in jail, juvenile, or expelled from school.
So, let me give you a scenario to make sure you were paying attention. You’ve just logged onto
your Facebook page and see a bunch of statuses pop up. You don’t really pay much attention to
them, until you notice someone has made a comment on what you were wearing that day. You
continue to read the status and even go as far as reading the comments on the status. You see that
some of the people commenting are vastly amused and even worse, friends. You even see that most
people said that they like the status. What would you do?
Before you go off thinking of doing something you’ll regret in the long run, you might want to re-
read this article from the beginning. Good luck.
Valerie MacNeal is an aspiring journalist and a senior at Henry Ford Academy in Dearborn.
Dating secrets
What to tell and what to keep on the DL
Have you ever hidden something from him about your past (or present)? Or has he ever stunned you
with a secret of his own? Here, couples reveal their biggest bombshells. Plus, learn which secrets you
must spill -- and which ones to keep to yourself.
In a perfect relationship, you wouldn't keep any secrets from your sweetie. And you'd never have to
worry if he were keeping anything from you, because his life, too, would be an open book.
But we live in the real world, where even the healthiest couples sometimes hide things from each
other. To most of us, the secret to end all secrets (and many relationships) is an affair -- and no one
will quibble with the devastating consequences of infidelity. Yet even "small" deceptions can rock a
relationship, and it can be hard to draw the line between what's harmless and what's not.
So how to tell what can stay safely tucked away and what calls for a confession? We asked dating
experts to outline the rules for secret keeping (and sharing).
Dating Rule #1: Secrets You Must Spill
If you want a relationship grounded in mutual trust (and who doesn't?), certain issues require full
disclosure. "If something has a chance of impacting your partner's future or his life with you, then
he has a right to know about it," says Mira Kirshenbaum, a relationship expert and author of "Is He Mr.
Right?" This includes anything from the past that has reverberations in the present (lingering debts, a
chronic medical condition, past emotional abuse), and anything in the present that could affect the
future (a health scare, a potential downsizing at work).
As many couples find out too late, when you keep a secret that profoundly affects your family, you
face a double whammy when the secret eventually -- or inevitably -- implodes: After the first
shock wave from the hidden truth rips through the family, you're hit with the secondary tremors that
come from the resulting feelings of betrayal and distrust.
"My husband was running a retail website, and he assured me it was doing well," recalls Karen, a 39-
year-old mom of two. "I thought I could stay home with my children and not have to worry about
making money myself."
A year ago, however, Karen discovered that her husband's business was in the hole for more than $1
million, and he had taken out a line of credit against their house. The truth came out only when he
announced that he would have to take an additional job.
"I was furious!" Karen says. A year later, her family has begun recovering from the financial blow, but
Karen is still dealing with her sense of hurt, anger, and betrayal.
When confronted with such a big, sudden revelation, it's natural to think, "Why didn't you tell me?
I'm the one person on earth who is supposed to understand!" But the reasons men, in particular, keep
secrets like these are multi-layered, say the experts. They may, like Karen's husband, want to keep up
an appearance of being strong and in control -- out of fear that you'll stop loving them if you see them
in a different, vulnerable light. They may be loath to deal with the turbulence they know their secret
will unleash. And yes, some men may just hope that silence will help them avoid a fight.
"Men are wary of women's emotional reactivity and usually shy away from conflicts," says Redbook Love
Network expert Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men." "They'll do
anything to avoid making a woman furious, though they usually end up making things worse."
Even when your secret is something that seems minor to you, you must be open with your partner if
it's related to a topic he's expressed curiosity or a strong opinion about. "As soon as you get serious
with someone, sit down and ask him, 'Is there anything you want to know about me that I haven't told
you yet?'" advises Redbook Love Network expert Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of "Getting the
Love Your Want." It's a clear-the-air strategy even long-term couples can use. And as counterintuitive
as this may sound, the more likely your partner is to freak out about your secret, the more important
it is that you confess, Hendrix adds, because if the truth about a sensitive subject comes out later,
the rupture could be even more serious. Not only does your partner need all of this information to be
able to make informed decisions about your life together, he also needs to know that you trust him
enough to share it.
"If you don't tell your partner about something, then you're really saying he's not wise enough,
generous enough, or loving enough to handle it," says Kirshenbaum. "And that can be deeply
wounding."
How to win the battle of the bulge
When it comes to the battle of the bulge, you have a better shot of winning if you make this simple
switch: Drink water instead of soda and plain tea instead of sweet coffees.
The results can be dramatic. In fact, research shows that cutting beverage calories resulted in
more weight loss than cutting food calories. Suddenly, water sounds grand!
People in a study who cut back on sugar-laden beverages like soda, fruit punch, and other
sweetened drinks shed more pounds than the folks who kept sipping the sweet stuff during their
dieting efforts. Researchers suspect that cutting back on beverage calories does even more
good than cutting back on food calories because solid food does a better job of satisfying hunger
than liquids do. Plus, it’s possible that the fructose in sugary drinks may boost fat storage and lead to
hormone changes that increase overall food intake. Here’s how much H2O you need to drink to melt
away an extra 2 1/2 pounds.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you can eat what you want as long as you ditch the soda and fruit
punch. The best weight loss diets are heart-healthy ones that cut overall calories in a way you can
sustain long term. Try these other weight loss tips to top off your efforts:
Set goals. Whether you want to lose 10 pounds or 50, setting and tracking your weight loss goals
can keep you motivated.
Use these goal-tracking tools to get you started.
Forget the smorgasbord. Learn why reducing variety in your diet can squash cravings better than
willpower can.
Walk this way. To boost weight loss, all you have to do is walk. Use this tracking tool to keep tabs
on every pound shedding step you take.
Men more than women willing to give
marriage a second chance
Sean Penn, Nicholas Cage, Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, Demi Moore, and
Jennifer Garner have all taken a second trip down the aisle.
While the current divorce rate is at its lowest since 1970, still one third of Americans who have ever
married have divorced at least once. With wedding season starting at the end of the month, leading
online dating websites www.date.com, www.matchmaker.com and www.amor.com, polled its members
to see who would be willing to give marriage a second chance after a divorce.
"We were shocked to see the overwhelming response by men willing to take another shot at
marriage after a divorce, while women were less inclined to make the commitment twice," said
Shira Zwebner, online relationship advisor. "These results show just how much women's attitudes
towards love and marriage have evolved over the years. Today, women are content being in a loving
and committed relationship that doesn't involve a trip to City Hall, whereas men need the security of
an official marriage to validate the relationship. And, with celebrity role model couples like Susan
Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, today's
women are confident that their committed relationships no longer have to be State or Religiously
sanctioned to be everlasting."
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